No founder, leader or prophet of any other major world religion loves and values women as much as Jesus does. Throughout His ministry, He demonstrated His heart for widows and mothers…
- Defended Them – “They (religious leaders) devour widows’ houses and for a show make lengthy prayers. These men will be punished most severely.” (Mark 12:40)
- Praised Them – “Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, ‘Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others.’” (Mark 12:43)
- Healed Them – “Jesus left the synagogue and went to the home of Simon. Now Simon’s mother-in-law was suffering from a high fever, and they asked Jesus to help her.” (Luke 4:38)
- Honored Their Requests – “People (mothers) were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.” (Mark 10:13, 16)
- Performed Miracles for Them – “As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, ‘Don’t cry.’” (Luke 7:12-13)
- Listened to their Prayers – “And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’” (Luke 18:3)
- Elevated Their Needs above the Church’s – “But you say that if anyone declares that what might have been used to help their father or mother is ‘devoted to God.’” (Matthew 15:5)
- Warned Them – “How dreadful it will be in those days for pregnant women and nursing mothers! There will be great distress in the land and wrath against this people.” (Luke 21:23)
- Kept Them from Becoming Single Moms – Twice in the book of Matthew, Jesus said, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:9)
- Loved and Cared for His Own Mother – “and to the disciple, ‘Here is your mother.’ From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.” (John 19:27)
The Apostles understood that Jesus held widows and mothers in high regard, continuing to emphasize to church leaders how important they should be to the Church…
- James emphasized the call to serve them – “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…” (James 1:27)
- Peter emphasized their role in evangelism – “He (Peter) took her by the hand and helped her to her feet. Then he called for the believers, especially the widows…” (Acts 9:41)
- Paul emphasized our need to respect them – “Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” (1 Timothy 5:1-2)
The message from Jesus and His disciples is clear: Each of us is to treat all women – old and young, inside or outside our churches – as we would treat our own mothers or sisters. When Christians (who ARE the living, breathing personification of Church) encounter a widow or single mom, Jesus’ words should ring in our ears, “Here is your mother” (or “Here is your sister”).
What Should Your Church Be Doing?
1 Timothy 5 elaborates on the Church’s responsibilities: ”The church should take loving care of women whose husbands have died if they don’t have anyone else to help them. But if they have children or grandchildren, these are the ones who should take the responsibility… The church should care for widows who are poor and alone in the world if they are looking to God for his help and spending much time in prayer; but not if they are spending their time running around gossiping, seeking only pleasure and thus ruining their souls. This should be your church rule so that the Christians will know and do what is right. Let me remind you again that a widow’s relatives must take care of her and not leave this to the church to do. Then the church can spend its money for the care of widows who are all alone and have nowhere else to turn.” (1 Timothy 5:3-7, 16 – TLB)
As with children in need (which we discussed last week), widows and single moms who attend church should be in less distress than their unchurched counterparts if churches are fulfilling the biblical mandate to care for their “brothers and sisters”. Women “in distress”, “poor” and “alone in the world” outside the church body are included in those James and Paul are urging churches to care for as their own mothers and sisters. Otherwise the church is failing to practice “religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless.”
Jesus expects His Church to look out not only for widows but also single mothers – and for good reason. Then as now, they’ve always had it rough…
- Grieving a lost husband or marriage
- Lonely for companionship, but often hard to find a new relationship when they’re older or have kids
- Financially strapped, with the loss of a husband’s income and often a “deadbeat” dad delinquent on child support
- Sometimes working more than one job, not able to spend much quality time with the children
- Sole responsibility for chores around the house and solo parenting, which can be exhausting
Given their plight, Jesus’ example, and biblical imperatives, what should your church be doing to reach out to and serve widows and single moms inside and outside the church? (Note: Don’t forget that the word “church” means not only the collective body but you individually as a “called out one”…”belonging to the Lord”)…
- First of all, ensure that there aren’t any struggling mothers or lonely widows within your church (Acts 2:44-46)
- Form outreach teams or launch ministries specifically designed to identify and support single moms and widows in the community by providing free child care, meals, financial aid, legal services, etc.
- Mentor and tutor children suffering from the loss of a father or victimized by broken relationships, knowing how little attention those kids will receive unless someone else steps into their lives and the high likelihood they will run off course without a Christian role model (e.g. 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes, and young men who grow up in homes without fathers are twice as likely to end up in jail).
Yet because few churches are engaged in those types of ministries (because “church” is now defined as a “place” and the lost in the community is no longer considered the Church’s “customer”), other ministries have had to bear those burdens. Moreover, each of those ministries has struggled even to engage churches as partners in their work. For example:
- Job and career training ministries like Jobs for Life and HireLiving
- Meal delivery and compassion ministries like Meals on Wheels and Metropolitan Ministries
- Church-school partnership ministries providing mentoring and tutoring opportunities like BeUndivided and Church Adopt a School Initiative
It’s Your Turn
How did churches today develop this blind spot, obstructing their view of responsibilities clearly spelled out in Scriptures to help widows and single mothers inside and outside the congregation?
24 Responses
There’s a lot of lip service given to helping domestic violence victims. But, there’s really no help available. Do you want to know why women stay, or go back over and over again? Because no one cares! Shove me in a shelter to be stolen from, treated badly. Go to the church and they want money, money, money. So we stay to long, or leave and go back over and over again. Because, I left 7 years ago, I struggle with money, loneliness, and depression and anxiety.
Good article!
People who aren’t helping single mothers and their children or anyone who needs help, when they can, really mustn’t call themselves a Christian.
I’ve been a single mom for 20 years. Never once has the church offered to help me. But Jesus has always given us what we needed. Jesus has provided food and shelter and unexpected kindness from strangers. I went back to college, while on welfare and got my degree. Money will not fall from the sky. But Jesus has always made our way through this life. Read the bible every day and that will bring you peace and strength.
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I lived as a Christian single mom….and raised my son with NEVER an offer for any help…care….concern…..or love of being included…by any church I was in and served in. The care and sermons…and groups were all about families…marriages…that were whole….and it is the wound upon wound…to live as a lover of Jesus….and find ” no love of Jesus” for the widows.and the fatherless.
I was so burdened….about our lack of love and care…I wrote a song…as if JESUS was singing to the church….about the widows…who are all alone…while we continue….to call ourselves….His body….and have no true care. I even tried to reach out to other older widows…..because I knew the deep lonliness…of raising a child alone….and being the “left out” or the ” invisible” part of the body….the single mom. God forgive our sin against love…and our self centered lives….of ” us four and no more”…..partiality is a sin….and pure religion and undefiled before GOD….is still to visit the widows in their affliction…..for Jesus knows the life of much affliction….and we will be judged one day….for not laying down our lives for the weaker ones….the widows….and the fatherless. Thank you for the opportunity to share… It has been 40 years now….since I lived this….and am now 70……and still there is no love….in the EXCLUSIVE body of CHRIST..that was to be the JESUS with skin on….not just CHURCH!
I left an abusive addict with 3 children with various levels of special needs. 2 were adopted from foster care because I wanted to take in the orphans. It has been several years since I left. One beautiful church gave me a 300$ visa gift card. Passion City Church Atlanta. I have known people in this town since I was five. My mother has many friends in many different local churches. I left with only a small bag of clothes. At one point I asked my mom to ask her church friends (people who knew me in church since I was 5 or 12 and knew my character) if anyone had old kitchen or home things. We were sleeping on the floor. 1 family offered 1 sleeping bag and 2 blankets, as LOAN. These are wealthy families with fat 401ks. I was crushed. Mainly by the lack of care and respect for my history with them. My family who is all local doesn’t help me at all (save my mother who helps in emergencies and gave me some money in order to help out 1x). You cannot assume people’s families are helping them and supporting them. All of my family calls themselves devoted Christians. 2 are very wealthy. But no help in any way. Phone calls telling me I can do it. Ummmmm……how? So with great sadness I have given the children back to my ex.
#morejudgement
about that.
The marriage made me physically sick, (as we know that long term stress does ) with a strange neurological condition that is invisible. So oddly, I look healthy. my job is physically demanding and I wonder how long my body will last. I lose my balance or my hands burn.
And yes, the children suffer even more than i do. Their emotional needs are not met. He moved them 4 hours away from me. today I am driving 4 hours to take my son to a mother son event, spending money on hotel, gas and food, and driving 4 hours back on sunday. When I really need to be doing paperwork for my job on monday. I am struggling to keep up at work.
I have all but lost the last bit of faith that I have. I am dying of loneliness and the men I have met are the same or worse as my ex husband.
So who knows what God thinks of all of this. I do see my ex refusing to support me so that I can get a place big enough for my 3 growing kids to visit me,
on my lower than teacher-type salary. What does that mean for him? I do not know.
I think people think If you are divorced, that your ex pays u endless alimony because u were married a long time. And pays you child support if you are the (significantly) lower wage earner. No. That was the 1970s people. Now they pay a short alimony (for maybe 1/2 the length of your marriage and child support is based on how much you spend on certain items for your children (and guess what?? housing, clothes, school supplies, food, babysitters……) none of that counts. But your children still have to have those things.
I do feel like an outsider at church. Or I feel judgement or the pity. Pity never put food on anyone’s table.
with 2 adopted kids, my children all look like they came from 3 different Dads…..because guess what??? they did. #more judgement. One kid is African American and i live in the deep south. Guess what?? more judgement. I love black people but not everyone here can deal with what they see when they see me and my kids ( I get judgement from both blacks and whites. I cant win.).
It all takes a huge emotional, mental, and physical toll on me and my kids. I know all of this leaves them at very high risk for addiction.
And when my ex remarries ( he’s wealthy) guess what? if he dies the $ won’t go to my kids, who will most likely have life long needs).
Thank you for this article. And for the opportunity to post.
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Iam deepika, iam a single mother, iam not having any shelther to live , plz kindly give me a shelther to me & my 6 months baby boy to live in the chruch.
I do not believe that the entire tithe should go to the local church if there is no program within the church to help the congregation’s widows, orphans, single mothers, and those who are in need due to illness or unemployment. If one is willing to work but unable to secure employment the church should be there for them. Most churches do not mind going into great debt to finance new buildings but seem to forget that people are just as important as buildings. If a church can afford to spend millions of dollars on new buildings, don’t forget that Jesus said, “True religion is to help the widows and orphans…” We must not forget that to tell our needy members to “Be ye warm and filled” is not a sufficient response to the physical and material needs of the Body of Christ. We must all remember to serve people first — and let building programs take second place to ministry to our own poor, sick and needy in our churches.
Thank you for this insightful article.
Presently, l am writing my Licenciate Thesis on the Challenges of Single Parents. Hope the Church pays more pastoral attention to them. The only problem l have is that the more one advocates for their welfare, the more people misunderstand it to mean promotion of “irregular forms of family system”. But Jesus really had a soft spot for them.
I am a single disabled dad of 3. 2 boys 8+5. Girl 11. The church we go to love us. I’ve once lent £200 off church. I never ask for anything for last 5 years. God is Faithfull I trust his word and look to jesus. I agree with the vision of our church and its teachings. Yet only jesus is God. No wonder he said to Peter of John if I will him to remain till I come what’s it to you. Follow me.
I am a single, 58yo Christian Mom to, a 19yo daughter, that I(we) adopted from Vietnam. Her “Dad” and I got her when she was 4 months old. He was a recovering addict who had been sober for 8 years before we married. When my daughter was three, my health took a severe decline and I have been disabled ever since. When I went on disability, my ex started using again. He gave up all responsibility to care for myself and our daughter. I lost my career, health, home and husband. All within one year. Went to my Moms, and cared for my ailing step father who died exactly 2 months from the date I left my husband. My daughter was 4 years old and has only seen him once when she was five. He was even high then and tried to scare me by physically putting her in his work van and driving around a parking lot at a park. I have had sole custody of her since and have never received any support. I raised her solely on my disability income and a whole lot of self sacrificing and faith in God. My health was even neglected.
I have done everything within my power to raise my her right. My health prevents me from being a great Mom physically, but I have tried to teach her emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I never had to stay on her about church, grades or behavior. She has a VERY strong personality and has always been challenging and difficult to raise. Prior to puberty, she was attached at my hip and very affectionate. Once puberty hit, I lost her to her bedroom. I’m aware this is normal but almost everyone saw her disrespect to me. She often took advantage of health. I’ve always known she was emotionally different. I mean that with no ill intention. I love her with everything in my being. Yet she has hurt me to the core. In those 19 years, I have never seen a birthday, Mother’s Day, Christmas card. I’m a after thought. I did not raise her to be this way. I have dealt with many times of her rage and emotional abuse. She only apologized when she was told to apologize. We both have been to counselors thru the years. She believes that she has some type of personality disorder and I have thought the same since she was very young. I have pleaded with counselors for help to no avail. I fear her mouth and attitude will get her hurt one day. I am the only person who has seen her rage. She hasn’t been able to maintain friendships. She only wants friends who are passive and she is a follower, not a leader. She showed boy craziness to the point she runs people off and is oppositional with advice. She has had that oppositional part of her personality since she was about six. She would have meltdowns to the point of her crying, screaming sweating and resisting care. She would only cry when angry. She never cried except when angry. She has been overly affectionate with with friends, to the point of being annoying and doesn’t have much self control. She goes from one extreme to another. She is also extremely indecisive, holds grudges and doesn’t forgive. I have exhausted myself trying to teach her empathy.
I’m aware of my deficiency’s and faults. It sounds as if it has all been terrible. It hasn’t. We have had a better than average relationship. She has always bragged that everyone of her friends love me and has acknowledged that she could talk to me about anything. She knows how much I love her and always will. She is secure with that.
She had not dealt with bullying until she was 15. She was so excited to have a couple of Vietnamese friends. But they started making her feel not Vietnamese enough. Of course this is all happening during these past couple of years when racism, homosexuality and all the other hashtag things are happening. My daughter KNOWS that there is not one once of racism or homophobia in me. I LOVE everyone. I may not like someone’s behavior. I know right from wrong and I know what sin is, but she has been taught by example to never treat anyone unkindly because of race, religion or sexuality. She has been raised around all cultures and knows that I have had long time friends of various races and beliefs.
When George Floyd was killed, I was like everyone and thought it was murder. I am a Christian, conservative who loves my country and those who fought far our freedom. I know we aren’t a perfect country and don’t necessarily agree with every leader we have and have had. But I do believe we are supposed to pray for our leaders and abide by our laws. I am in support of law enforcement and will not stand for them crossing the line. I am pro life, pro adoption, pro Bible and pro Jesus Christ.
Recently, I have become my daughters enemy. With the BLM, I am all for protest but my daughter wanted to a protest in our city and I didn’t want her to go, out of safety for her. I would not let her drive her car(in my name) and she had to find someone to take her. Every since then she has treated me like she barely knows me. She moved out over a month ago. She stayed with a friends family for a couple of weeks, then found a horrible apartment and a roommate I have never heard of and has still not moved in with her. She will be a sophomore in college with a part time job. She will not talk to me about anything and I am yet to even see the apartment. She is constant posting on social media, about BLM, LBGT, white people and having white Mom. Being whitewashed, anti police(ACAB) and anti Trump. I have had concerns all her life that she never seemed to have dreams, passions or goals. She quit going to church after one of her friends quit going. This friend is a preachers kid. He stepped down from pastoring(?) and has since divorced their Mom. Her friends sister is 16 and is gay. They have a friend group that are all 16, gay or bi with the except of my daughter and the other PK that is my daughters age. Her friend that is her age has a boyfriend. Is my daughter gay?…? She has never showed any signs of liking anything but boys. Like ever. Yes, I said she could be overly affectionate with friends. But it has always been more like clingy, like not wanting to lose the friends. I believe she has abandonment issues but have never been able to get any help with counselor’s, psychologist or psychiatrist’s. Do I think she is gay, bi, lesbian? No, I don’t. Is she experimenting because it seems to be a trend? Follower to fit in or keep friends? Yes. Do I think this is just a stage? Yes, possibly. She has acted like her white family don’t mean anything to her. She only has a few of us and her grandparents in their 80’s, one uncle that is remission from stage 3 lung cancer, and myself. It is really just me that she can feel secure with. Do I think it will get better? I don’t know. Last year I passed out in the shower and broke my tibia, fibula and ankle. I spent a week in the hospital and 3 weeks in a inpatient rehab close to our house. I was concerned about her staying by herself but she said she would be okay. I asked her to bring me clothes/gown when I got to rehab and one other tome I asked her to bring me food. Those were the only times she came to see me during the 4 weeks. Does she really love me or just need me? She acts like neither now. I can honestly say, I’ve done nothing to deserve this treatment. She has said some really horrible things to me that she knows hurt me deeply. She has cut people off in the past that were good to her just because they didn’t think just like her. She would never want people to judge her, yet she is very judgmental of others.
I have spent many sleepless nights in tears, out of concern for her and her future. I’ve pondered, sought after, stressed and prayed for help. I believe she needs help but she’s an adult now and seems out of reach for me, as her mother. She is so oppositional to any help, wisdom or advice. I don’t want to lose her to the ungodly ways of this world. After all, I am the only mom she has or known.
This comment is for Terri.
Do you want to know what the real problem is? Your narcissistic adopter syndrome. How many times does it have to be said, adoption is NOT good for kid’s. I feel s so sorry for the girl you adopted, all she needs IS HER REAL MOTHER. TO BE ABLE TO BE PART OF HER OWN ETHINANCY.
Yet you and all other adopters constantly deny this, you deny how taking a child out of their own family and away from their mothers causes them problems and in many ways destroys them. If you really care about her, which I doubt, especially from the numerous unfair judgments and cutdowns you spewed out against her, then you will help her find her real family and let her embrace and be proud of her culture. Denying anyone the right to knowing who their own parents are is a form of psychopathic torture. You need to stop thinking only about yourself and think about what needs to be healed in her. And spare me the you love Jesus crap. I’m sure Jesus hates adoption and all the lies within it. Grow up Terri-and come into reality. This girls life was never supposed to be about YOU. And you have no right to continue trying to cram her as a round peg in a square hole. People need their own bloodlines, not the trauma of being separated from their family and who they really are.
This comment is for Andrew ugochukwu anah :
Here’s the churches’ (and Christians) view on single mothers.
The church only cares about making billions off of them by forcing their babies away from them or coercing them by destroying every iota of their self-esteem to sign them away, then selling the baby to an infertile couple. Christians are kleptomaniacs concerning this entire issue.
They steal a woman’s child, they steal her dignity, they steal the child’s mother and family and their identity from them. They also steal the child’s birth certificate from them, WHICH IS THEIRS AND THEIRS ONLY through sealed records that all bad Christians support, including clergy. You should know as well that Birth Mother Privacy is a lie, started by social workers, nuns and adoption agencies to keep a mom from rightfully taking her child back. It is adopters that wanted that, and since the former 3 groups all want their money, they still continue on with this lie. No single mom ever wanted anonymity from her child.
Another extension of that lie used today is abortion. They BS left and right saying if they open the records it will increase abortion but that is not true for many reasons.
One is records have always been open in Kansas and they have the lowest abortion rate of all states.
Second, sadly some mothers choose abortion because they don’t want to go through the pregnancy not just that they don’t want the child.
And thirdly the adoption industry is still constantly trying to take single mothers’ babies away, as I said before-it is epidemic in the Mormon Church and always has been in thee Catholic Church and there are thousands of blogs, Facebook pages and websites where these moms are begging for help to keep their babies. Fathers are denied custody of their own child as well because the adoption industry wants money for baby, some are sold for up to $75, 000.00
Part of the reason unwed mothers are not forgiven and are constantly cut down is so this infant trafficking via adoption can continue. Clergy LOVES adoption because it keeps infertiles from losing faith and therefore ensures more money in the donation plate! Ditto for money left to the churches (and pastors). Many minsters and pastors adopt as well due to infertility and continue to ignore the harm it causes children.
Christians need to start spending their time fighting to make abortion illegal, not spend it trying to force single moms to give away their babies they want to keep. Unwed motherhood IS NOT a cure for infertility nor is any other woman’s baby meant to be a gift for them from God. The latter is just another huge lie Christians have made up.
If you want to know the truth about single motherhood then you have to listen to those who have been victimized due to it and to adoptees.
Not those that benefit by hurting both of them. Also be aware there are thousands of social workers and adopters online that pretend they are adopted and are so grateful or are “birthmothers” that are so happy they could give their child away to “good people”. This scam is happening of course to keep the emotional damaging act of adoption alive and well.
I am fixing a typo I made:
Unwed motherhood IS NOT a cure for infertility
It should read Adoption is not a cure for infertility.
Agrees !! One who cares
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This article reveals how little regard the New Testament , Jesus, and the churches have for single moms, and women in general. Jesus was disrespectful to his mother Mary, chastising women who called out his hyprocisy
Greetings in Jesus name
Happy to learn about you
IAM asingle mom for over 20 years and now a grandmother’s .would wish to
You to visit our church and start this project..I am a communityThankyou in advance
So many churches I attended send single Moms into dark corners with toy toys to be isolated. There aren’t many children, so when a single Mum comes they are sent to not distrupt the order. Churches aren’t mindful that this attempt of single Mum families is an attempt to support their children into church ‘family’ so the harm of sending us out is deep and also is the only adult connection I have as a single sole parent …and being sent out and away is not what I believe Jesus wanted. I believe Jesus wats my son and me to sit at his feet and listen and be able to grow, not cut out and sent away. Our faith has been harmed by church..our faith is our survival. We are nothing without Jesus…and yet we are not welcomed and can’t attend a church as too painful to be cast out and aside.
I couldn’t agree with you more, and I appreciate you bringing this out. Everyone who reads this article will definitely benefit from it. Great work.
I am glad that you come up with this kind of article. I appreciate this a lot and I found it very informative and worth to read. Thanks for posting.
I love this. Thank you for sharing.
I’ve been a single mom for over 7 years now. My kids are all teenagers, which is a whole new level of tired (and they are great kids, don’t get me wrong). My ex is frequently very behind on child support and is not reliable. He will quit a job or get fired, he just moved out of state for 2 years and almost never saw the kids. With each new change in circumstances, I need to help the children through the changes, yet again. It’s exhausting. Not to mention, the severe stress from trying to figure out how to pay all the bills when no child support is coming in for months at a time.
We had been at a church for many years. I know many people at this church and my children were connected there. I recently made the difficult decision to leave the church due to the fact that they just do not support single parents. I have asked for support, in various forms (not financial) at different times over the last 7 years and only out of desperation. Each time, I was met with a “no, we don’t do that”. (One time I was looking for a list of names of women who could be on call to help when I had sick children, as I have a job that does not allow me to work from home.) The last time was the most disheartening. My bathroom fan wasn’t working well and was causing damage to my ceiling. I wanted someone to come look at it (I needed to know if it was vented outside) and did not want to call some stranger to be in the house alone with me/me & children. When I asked the church, I was told they wouldn’t send anyone over to help me because I was “not a true widow”. I was so hurt by that. I wasn’t asking for a handout, but merely a little time and some assistance. I cried for weeks. We have since moved to another church, but I did make a concession to allow my kids to remain part of the youth group, since they feel so comfortable. But I cannot set foot in that church again. What a horrible way to treat single parents.